We all have something...you're not alone.

Good morning. The raw me. 

My life has become so streamlined since we moved, it's very nice, but pretty weird not being needed in the morning, no where to rush off too, no one to pick up. I'm feeling a little restless.  Not complaining, not at all. I am grateful...for the things we had hoped for, are in fact being realized. The Littles are very happy with their autonomy. I am very happy for their independence, which builds up their self esteem, and most importantly Jo and Gigi have made friendships with kids close by. 

As my days are filled with just Little Em and I, doing as we please, and without structure,  I go a little stir crazy. I like routine and structure and a busy day. 

Indeed I am grateful, and again say, this is not a complaint, and I understand this is just a season for which I embrace, as I know my Littlest will soon be in the morning rush, and I will once again jump out of bed like the white rabbit.

So during this season, as I feel a little less needed. I have decided to take better care of me, and that maybe doing that will help me serve my children better. As it seems, now that the physical and logistical things are not an issue anymore. A new issue of hormonal 6th grade emotions & girl drama are upon my sweet Gigi and we are now trying to tackle this...and boy, the pushing down and meanness from the girls at school are being brought home and my sweet G is all out of sorts and I'm not quite sure how to roll with theses punches. Words hurt! 

I realize that not only does she need to strengthen her inner self, so do I. So I encourage her to look within herself and make choices from a place of love AND to find her happy!! I am most happy when I create, but that's been on the back burner for a bit. Moving from place to place for a bit has taken some wind out of my sails. 

So, I am trying to get back to taking time out to create daily. 

And....I'm taking time to get healthier. 

Hmmm, I'm up 17 pounds since last year!!! I feel it. It's actually weighing me down and even though I like the fullness in my face, I do not like it in my thighs. 

 

So, I am riding my stationary bike for an hour averaging 5 miles a day which, yes is pretty darn slow, but, I'm moving.

I'm also reading. I finished one book and I'm halfway through another. Very simple books, both, so far recommend by my big Littles. I haven't read in ages, and I haven't thought about my 5 year future in awhile so this book is good even though it's a little rough around the edges. 

I made an appointment with the dermatologist to deal with my skin/acne issues. Yes, this is still on going problem.

 

This from over a year ago. I got on antibiotics and it worked like a charm but, I had to stop taking them and these break outs happen frequently, and actually stops me in my tracks.  Wa wa.

I know there are far worse things I could be afflicted with but, I am tired of looking in the mirror and seeing this as me when it's not how I feel. It has effected my desire to do things. 

So, I am taking the leap to start a journey on Isotretinoin, and this will be a 6 month journey, one in which I am nervous about, but I am also hopeful for the outcome. 

I start today. 

Lab work, cholesterol, liver, kidney panels and a pregnancy test are on the list today. 

But first a tea party with Em. 

I love these Littles so much. 

I'm daring to be raw and share my imperfections inside and out in the hopes of mastering them and snubbing them out, but mostly to be a better person for them. 

I love you, whoever you are, and if your struggling too, your not alone even if the problems are different, you're not alone. 

from me to you w love, Mommer