Journey to hold

Because sometimes your mother heart speaks to you & you have to listen. 

We totally  just got in the car at 2:00 and drove to San Francisco to see my Biggest Little.

I was trying to communicate our whereabouts to figure how we could meet. She was just traveling by bus or BART getting off at Mission Blvd to check out a new store location. 

We were on Mission Street coming to 16th and just as I arrived in my car, she arrived by foot. I was like, I see you! I see you & pulled over, right there at 16th...not a place to stop and she jumped in!!!  Right off the street!!! It was kinda crazy, I can't even believe it happened like that. The timing was just perfect! 

We were all delighted. 

I was really missing her. 

It's complicated. 

It's hard to make time for everyone and sometimes I feel she's last on the list because she's the oldest, out on her own, far way,  and has chosen a life that is a little more complicated then mine and I'm not sure where I fit in. 

We try to stay in touch and she was showing me her work via text pics and telling me how much she loves it and wanted us to come to her grand opening later this week, but I had to tell her we couldn't, it was the day after school started and just not possible. 

Her daily life in the big city. 

So when I hung up the phone last night, I was all torn up inside. I had a thought in the middle of the night, that just maybe I could go see her. Just jump in the car and go, but that is a little hard to just do,

BUT then, after letting me sleep in,

after a rough night of sadness, missing her big and my Big Little AND the whole family together...my Mister said, "we should go see her. We have nothing else to do this afternoon." 

 I was so happy to hear that. I know the drive is not far, but it's not easy and traffic, which we hate is bumper to bumper, but he knew what I needed and without even telling him he read my mind and was ready for the adventure. 

When we finally got out of the car I was happy to see my Biggest and Littlest together again.  I am such a cry baby. 

We had hot chocolate and herbal tea. 

Went to the local park. 

The beach...

The candy store... 

We met up with her beau and took him to dinner with us. 

Even at at Chows...

I wanted to know where she was in this big city, what she is doing daily, and see that she's happy. She is, she's trying to do what she loves and is figuring it out her way. I love her and support her journey. 

I want her to feel my love. I want her to know I care. We drove her "home", not my home but her's. Seems so weird to say that, even though my home hasn't been hers for a long time.  I hugged her and loved her....and then let her go again. 

They say, It's not about the destination, it's about the journey. 

I say the destination may be the only reason to journey... 

My family is my destination. There is no place I'd rather be, but I can't always be there. 

I realize it's not just a physical journey, sometimes it's an emotional journey. I miss them and being with them is not always an option, but that doesn't mean my love is further away from their hearts. 

I need to remember to reach out daily, 

praying daily, for them,  isn't enough. 

I need to say I love you to them every chance I get and every once in awhile invest in the trip and drive to them instead of always expecting them to come to me. I guess I'm learning how to show love to my grown up children in a way that is much different than when they were little and right next to me. It's harder, it takes work, when you don't see them daily you forget that they still need you. I know it's just as important for them to hear and so I'm trying. I truly am. 

My deepest love and affection to you, my Biggest Little, my sunshine, tippy toes, mander pander pie!!!  may all your travels be safe and full of happiness. I love you to the sun and back...

From me to you w love, 

Mommer