He is my happy friend.

Feeling much better, an interesting thing happened this summer vacation as I left my routine behind. I slept in and lost 2 hours every morning. It felt good to lay there, even if sometimes not sleeping, just relaxing without any where to be and a slight breeze through my window before the heat of the day. In the early morning hours when school was in I would get up before everyone, shower, get ready, read my scriptures, make breakfast and clean house. Then all was out of the way and we could just play. Why did I leave that behind when summer came, I do not know. 

 {note to self: next summer keep routine!}

Now that schools back in session and early morning routine has begun including early morning wake up for my Not So Little. As I sneak next to him and whisper in his ear... Good morning, time to wake up...I rub this head and scratch his arms gently, thinking how I would like to wake up, slow and easy and with gentleness.  Then I offer a morning prayer. 

Pray that he will be safe. Pray that he will find friendship. Pray he will feel comfort. 

Then I leave him to get ready while I make egg muffin sandwiches. Not So Little eats, makes his lunch and then My Mister takes him to school, always leaving the house with an "I love you". 

Once that is done, I jump into the shower  get ready and then read my scriptures.... Peace comes over me. I ponder the words and see how I can relate them in my life.

 {I bought a journal to write down my feelings this school year.}

Next, Gigi wakes and she wants an egg muffin too. Then Little Em wakes and she too wants an egg. We go through a lot of eggs. Once Gigi is ready for the day she helps me get Little Em ready and then we leave the house to take Gigi to school. 

The ride is slow and serene and the leaves on the trees seem to wave us goodbye. 

When I drop Gigi off, I hug and kiss her and tell her to have a good day and to do her best. She walks away and turns around several times blowing kisses to me & waving good bye. I love seeing her quiet confidence as she meets up with her friends. 

Then Little Em and I return home to play. Everything in the world seems right. 

Everyone left happy, everyone is healthy and I hope they are all fortified with the love they have to help them through the rough realities of the world that are hard to ignore. The cussing, the unkind words, the lack of respect for one another's property. The peer pressure and exposure to things I'm sure I have no idea at the high school.  

I think you get the picture. I try hard to create a little heaven or sanctuary here in my home because I know the world is hard and cruel, but what I didn't remember is that I need to continue to fortify myself when they are not in school and the one thing that I missed most and didn't realize until my routine was back in motion, was my scripture reading. The boost in my day that came with the words I read, really makes a difference and even though I still lived my days with a prayer in my heart, the days weren't as easy or comfortable. I'm the one that had the struggles over the summer. I'm the one that felt weak. I'm the one who went without. I am sure that my Littles noticed and excused my uncomfortableness and unhappiness to my hormones, but I am beginning to think it had more to do with being out of focus... Well, maybe a combination of the two, as I do know my hormones were hitting me hard, but I think if I would have fortified my day early I just may have dealt with it better before I got on my humble knees to ask for strength. 

{note to self: keep routine over summer.}

First day of high school. 

So, now with school back in session and my spirits lifted I feel such joy. 

And I must give credit to my body and mind, as my hormones are under control once again. Also, my skin is doing better and looking in the mirror, I can see beauty again. 

Plus...Little Em is beginning to walk again. Her independence, so important to her and very helpful to me. 

I was asked the question, "where do I draw my strength"? This was my reply. 

I thought I'd share it here. 

This is a good reminder of what I believe and the desires in my heart.

When I am facing struggles it helps me to know that I am a child of God, 

and that He has sent me here. 

That my purpose is different than any others'purpose and when I feel different it is because I am.  I do not wish to be like another because that is not the plan. I feel if God wanted us all to be the same, he would have started by making us all look the same, and we do not. We are unique, each one of us. 

He knows the bigger picture,

and the things that happen to me 

are taking me to the next step in His plan for me. 

{This is especially important to remember when suffering from an illness or the loss of a loved one, as He has a plan for them too, and most importantly, I believe there IS life after death, and a closeness to God not possible here on earth.} 

I have developed a knowledge that I will not have more than I can handle. There may be scriptures referencing this but, for me it has been through experience. I feel strength knowing this.

Trials are a time to grow, even though hard, sad and scary.  

I become stronger when I am weak when I reach out to Him. If I allow Him to walk with me, He will indeed lift me up. 

I know He IS with me, I just can't see Him and I can't feel Him if I don't ask for Him to be with me. 

 He IS my happy friend and I am never alone. 

The attonement helps me when in my weaknesses I fail. That in my imperfect manner I will be made whole through Him. That He knows my every thought and action, and He is my judge, when I have set backs and sin, He still loves me  and I can try again. If my heart truly desires, but my body is weak, He will know. If I am not doing things with Him in my mind and actions, He knows this too. I try my best to remember Him as my Father and want to please Him, and when I do, I have joy and that is why I continue to seek Him. 

I truly know He is here {!} for me {for you} and we are the only ones that can leave the relationship behind and walk away. He will always be there waiting for our return.  I often think this...

If we are not building, 

we might not be tearing down, 

but we are also not reinforcing,

and fortifying to make it stronger.

This holds true with any relationship and why we try hard to develop good relations with each other in our home. 

 I believe in God the Father and in His son Jesus Christ and in the Holy Ghost. 

I choose The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as a support to my family outside of what I am trying to teach them in my home. I want them to know the true love of Christ and what it offers. They can only know that by practicing it through prayer, meditation and a true desire in their heart. 

The example and experiences I share with my children, as I testify of the blessings in my life because of Him, will hopefully help them to know it is possible to have Him with them too. 

I pray that they will want to know Him and ask for His presence to be with them. I hope that they will draw unto Him always, but it is usually when we are in our weakest moment, when we are in the most despair that we hope and pray there is something else greater then ourselves to help. I think this why we have trials, as an opportunity to reach out to Him for strength rather than relying on ourselves. At least that is what it has done for me, as I have had many gut wrenching experiences even when close to Him. It is not a punishment. It is an opportunity to grow closer to Him. 

This is not easy and not an easy knowledge to give to someone else. I think that when WE want it so bad. When WE want to know the truth and are praying and asking for it with pure desire, then WE feel it. I strive to carry that desire in me always Always to be in the act of converting myself to God. 

I pray always to have Him with me, 

with my children....I ask myself, what can i do in my home, in my relationships with my family and friends and community to have Him with me.  

I think others can feel it, and want it too, when they ask why am I so happy, or full of energy or say there is something different about me. 

The spirit within all of us will attract others when it shines. It will be something different and others will want to know. This can't happen casually, it has to be a great and genuine desire. I believe everyone has this ability, as we are all God's children, but we must reach for it. 

I am trying to please The Lord, I serve my family with sacrifice and devotion because I think that is what He would want me to do. This makes me happiest. That is where I find my strength.  I try to live each day with a pray in my heart and with my actions, trying to constantly develop joy. It is hard in a crazy world with much distraction and temptation. 

Joy is what my heart wants most. I try not to worry so much about things such as clothes, and cars and other distractions, especially with social media, but when I do, I try to be modest, reflecting a spirit of heaven, joy and happiness instead of the victors of the world.  So, I am different I guess and different is good. I posted that on my IG feed but it didn't come out the way I wanted so I deleted it. This is where my thoughts were coming from when I posted "I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life".

Sorry that was very long. I felt it was necessary to share. 

I love you. I love who your are, and respect who your are trying to be. 

We all have our own journey, this is mine. 

From me to you with love. -M