The beauty of friendship, love and ... horses...

I just can't seem to stay caught up on this little blog of mine.  There is just too much going on in life to sit and reflect sometimes, and lets face it, it is easier to write one or two sentences on IG or facebook, post a picture and move on, but in this documented life I have created for myself, I need to write about this day as it was one of beauty...not just in the world around us, but the beauty of friendship as well.

                                      ******************************************************************

My Little G was not sure she wanted to be involved in this photo shoot even though it was among friends. When I first mentioned it to her, she simply said "no thank you". Just like I knew she would. She really dislikes going to birthday parties or any party for that matter, unless the family is there. {One of the reason I like to have parties at my house is to help build relations and bridge the gap between friends at school and  church, where you have to be quiet most of the time and have little time to play and chat.}

Going to a party, you'd think would be the best thing ever for a little girl with great friends, right?....but not for her. She dreads them.  What are they going to do? Who is going to be there? These are two pressing questions that have no answers and unfortunately they get the best of her. After giving our R.S.V.P, making a gift and card, getting ready,  getting into the car, lots of coaxing along the way..."It will be fun. Your friends will miss you if you don't go..." She just can't do it. She can't get out of the car or we only get half way there for the tears that shower her little cheeks tell me to turn around and hold her. In the end we do not show up. {I'm sorry} Instead we end up turning around in our car and then sheepishly having to call to say we aren't going to make it. It is very embarrassing for the both of us, but it must be done. I don't know what else to do.  {This is anxiety at its finest.}  Even if I offer to stay it is just too much. After doing this more times than I'd like, I now, just decline graciously or make up an excuse that we are busy...I don't want to offend the parent and child, and I don't want to explain the situation.  Recently she DID decide to go to a birthday party because she has developed some good friendships, but they had a clown and I guess that didn't go over so well for her...as when she got in the car when I picked her up she was quite certain parties were out of her comfort zone.

Well, when my friend, the photographer and mother of one of Gigi's church friends asked her to be included in a photo shoot, capturing friendship. I thought how special would that be. I wanted desperately for her to join.  After her initial, "no thank you" she decided it would be fun to dress up and be with her friends. She got ready, no problem. We drove there, no problem. We got out of the car....STOP....I got out of the car that is....she remained inside until I coaxed her out, but she pleaded for me to take her home. {We drove 20 minutes just to get there!}  I decided we would not go home, instead we would stay and support the girls.  She was not happy with me and I was not happy with her, I must say... as she walked towards them with her arms folded in protest. When one of the mothers asked what was wrong...I didn't know what to say...I was so embarressed and a little frustrated at the situation...not one of my finest moments. I wasn't sure what to do with her and I felt like I was so distant because of my lack of understanding and I couldn't even hug her or talk to her at that point and quite frankly she didn't want me to do anything but take her home. She looked stubborn and sullen. She is usually such a sweet polite child.  She said, {right in front of everybody} "I told you I didn't want to do this...why are you making me...I want to go home."  It took a lot out of me to remain calm and say "We are staying, and we are supporting your friends, even if you don't want to take pictures. We are here and we are going to stay and watch".  I felt like I didn't handle that very well at the time, but looking back it was the right thing to do. {and later she told me so herself}

Her girl friends soon gathered to see what in the world could be wrong with their normally, absolutely sweet, respectful, and loving friend. She held out in protest for quite sometime. Arms folded tight, mouth and brow stern.  I was so embarrassed as the moms looked on wondering what was going on. They tried to step in and she would not budge. I was so humiliating.  I am sharing because this is real, this happened! and it was hard!  We all have things like this happen to us don't we?  I don't understand,  I love, I have compassion, but I don't understand.  I want to understand, but she can't quite put it into words. To some this may seem like stubbornness and I would agree if I were taking her to get her teeth drilled! - but in fact this is anxiety. It just stops her, immobilizes her, and  her thoughts become those of worry, fear, and uneasiness. If you know my sweet little you would never ever believe she could have such a protest, such fears...for goodness sakes... she can be in a Spelling Bee in front of the whole school, sing a solo, even walk a runway, but a party or get together...not without this uneasiness coming over her. I acutally think she doesn't want to appear to be silly or awkward and in the above performances mentioned, she is always poised and sure of herself. 

I stood in the background letting her friends console her and when her attention was diverted I discreetly put my phone at my side. out it on silent captured these pictures.

I love how her friend tried to cheer her looking into her eyes, forcing a smile at one point...just snap out of it...I'm sure she was thinking. 

 

They were so sweet, trying to make her happy, but as hard as they tried to comfort her, cheer her, coax her, adorn her with a crown, she still declined.

They got her to crack a little smile but, she still told them she would just watch and hang out.

So, off the girls went. I volunteered to hold up the ribbon backdrop and took my real camera with me and captured these while she sat alone in the pasture looking on. {I said a little prayer in my heart hoping she would see the fun she was missing and want to join.}

 When they were done with that "pose" and were going to do some individual pictures, I motioned for one of the girls to go see if she was ready to join them. {about a half hour had passed since we got their.}  Two of these sweet girls went over, one went with the next prop in her hands, large round balloons that looked like they could carry you away and the other empty handed, but with a hug in her heart and upon arrival they each gave her what they had.

I know that many beautiful pictures were taken that day, but it is these pictures, the ones of real friendship, that make my eyes swell and my heart smile.  Everything was going to be alright.

These girls loved her, accepted her worries as real, and encouraged her to join them and she began to let her gaurd down.

 

Then all of the sudden the horses were out.... and coming their way. I knew Gigi would not be able to contain herself.  I asked her to put on her skirt, if only to capture a few pictures for her grandma before we left.

AND you know what...

she pulled on her skirt...

kicked off her shoes...

and she finally did it!!

 {blessed moment indeed!}

Heavenly Father must surely know that my heart was full of gratitude and love for all of this, as my joy was beyond that of a gushing river. 

She ran off and I took pictures...

This rare and precious moment came, even know as I write, I feel such enormous love within me I could almost cry when I look at them.

I captured a few more...

All her worries left and I think she felt free once again.

And then came, the horse...to her...

 

Her fondness of horses comes from the experiences she's had while visiting her grandma's ranch when she was younger.  Grandma would put her on her horse and walk her around. She would feed them carrots or apples. She just loved it and has always wanted a pony.

   Oh, how she wishes she could have one.

I think when you are comfortable enough to be barefoot around horses you know there is something more to it then just liking them.

My friend had the girls gather up again and sit in front of the ribbon wall for more pictures and brightly colored sodas...I once again took my spot holding the ribbon wall and took some pictures from the back. {:)}

 

A glimspe of her...I see such beauty and elegance in this little one of mine.

{ I should mention she did her own hair. I only added the flowers.}

The sun was beginning to go down and my friend, took a few pictures of her daughter and I took pictures of her taking them, capturing a special moment between mother and daughter. Later she told me, she rarely has pictures of herself doing her craft.

I thought these were pretty good. 

{I could use an editing program and fix the color probably, but I am not sure how to do that yet} 

I want to post them on my facebook group page "Mommer Moments" after I edit them, making the grass greener maybe??

 

Then the sun began to dip and my daughter finally decided to have a few individual pictures taken. It was almost too late, but I like what my lens captured. It was my very last shot for the evening. It left me wanting more, I will have to return here with all my Littles someday soon.

 

When I at last looked at the pictures I took, I found myself wishing it was I that was sitting with my daughter as the sun set. I imagined talking and laughing until the sun left our sight and the crickets sang song of thanks, and I too would sing with them, thanking our Father for wonderful friends, a beautiful world, and for moments of growth and understanding.

In the end, my friend and photographer, Angie Lane, sent me this picture...

 

SUCH JOY!!!

 

                      

from me to you with love, M